How do you maintain a relationship with a very quiet person?

For example, I'm pretty talkative, and a lady I'm dating now is not. When she gets comfortable she does talk a lot and the convers... More

Relationships between introverts and extroverts can be tricky, but many couples make it work, and when it goes well, both parties benefit from the differences between them. My extroversion pulls my woman out of her shell; her introversion calms me and makes me more contemplative.

The key is for both of you to have absolute respect for each other's personality type. It's very easy to screw that up, even in subtle ways. For instance, you wrote that it's like your boyfriend "is nervous or something, when he doesn't have to be!" While that may be the case, extroverts often misinterpret introverts as nervous or shy when, in fact, they're just ... introverts. They're naturally quiet people.

I understand why an extrovert might make this mistake. If you're naturally talkative, you're probably only quiet when you're nervous. So you assume that's why others are quiet. But that's often untrue for people whose minds work differently than yours. 

On the other side of the fence, introverts often misunderstand extroverts by saying things like, "... if you feel the need to constantly fill the air with conversation, you might want to think about why." (Which I pulled from an anonymous answer, here. I don't mean to pick on that person, but this is a common attitude, and he or she expressed it well.)

Extroverts don't just (or mostly) talk because they are nervously filling up the quiet with noise. They talk because they are extroverts: because they naturally think out loud and get energy from exchanges with other people.

So as in all relationships, if you want to make it work, both you and your boyfriend need to understand each other's needs, respect each other's needs, treasure the ways you're different as well as they ways you're alike, give a little, and take a little.

By the way, your boyfriend may indeed feel nervous. What makes me nervous is not silence but the realization that someone else is expecting me to talk. If she makes it clear that she's totally cool just sitting with me, holding my hand, maybe watching a movie or looking at the stars, I'm deep into my comfort zone. And of course this shouldn't be one-sided. I need to understand that she has a need to talk, and that when she wants to talk to me, even about things that seem trivial to me, that's her way of connecting—of telling me she cares.

I have an idea for you: as a gift to your boyfriend, instigate a silence. Take him to a nice park eg bar beach,resorts,quite garden,I believe we have that in Nigeria (lol), sit on the grass, lay his head in your lap, and stroke his hair. Don't talk. Just be... let him know you love being with him without expectations of conversation. He will need to do his part for you, too. It can't just be a one-way thing. But trying giving him this gift. See what happens.

From research it is well understood that a quite partner have to be very mindful of how he/she attends to his or her partner curiosity about his/her silent nature.

To be continue............

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