One reason it is hard to control the hijacking, even though you know you really shouldn’t make that phone call, is that the wiring from your senses to your brain’s threat detection centers is quicker than the wiring from your senses to your cortex (where the conscious thought occurs). So, by the time you have had time to figure things through rationally, you have already experienced a surge of adrenaline which tells the rest of your brain that there is a threat out there that has to be eliminated.

The good news is that you can learn to control this pattern. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Realize that your emotional barometer is too sensitive and gives you false positive readings.
2. Be aware that it will be hard to think clearly when you are emotionally activated.
3. Give yourself time outs….take an extra 30 minutes or more before clicking “send” on that email.
4. If the person you are talking to tries to distance him/herself, let it happen and try again another time.
5. Tell yourself “there is nothing to fix.” Unless it is a life or death situation, it can wait till tomorrow.
6. Distract yourself…go do something else to take your mind off of it.
7. Come to understand that talking about the problem over and over with your friends might keep you activated instead of making you feel better.
8. Remember that having an overly sensitive threat detector also makes you extremely empathetic and compassionate to the emotional experiences of others.

There is nothing wrong with you! Your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are normal reactions of your biological machinery responding to the environment. If you can accepting that it was the environment that shaped your emotional system and personality, you should be able to stop blaming yourself and change.

One more thing you should know is that the biology of people with anxious attachment styles will interpret neutral facial expressions from others as a threat cue. The brain reads the neutral expression as an indicator that the other person is not going to be there for you and may reject you. So, your friend or partner who is trying to calm you down by not reacting or remaining cool while you are upset might just be having the opposite effect. And, of course, if you are that other person, being aware of the effect that your indifferent expression or attitude is having on your anxious friend can be eye opening.

Thanks for reading.

Source - Pschologytoday