Nothing determines the success of a relationship; our life is an experience.

Our life is an experience—not a foregone conclusion (and that’s a good thing!).

But the more you are aware of the relationship you’re getting into, the better you can mitigate your chances of heartbreak and relationship disaster. With this awareness you make yourself more available for long-term love with the right guy.

Raising your awareness means being clear on the facts of your relationship.

In other words, what exactly is a separated man or divorced man? What are they going through, and what should you be concerned about if you’re in a relationship with a man who might be in a given stage of divorce or separation?

The questions that follow each section are questions to consider when you’re thinking about whether to continuing seeing him—especially if you have the intention of dating with the purpose of finding a life-partner.

The Separated Man

A separated man is one who is still legally married. He might be in the process of divorce, or not.
Below are some of the different types of separations;

Trial separation - When a couple lives apart for a test period, to decide whether or not to separate permanently, Even if the spouses don’t get back together, the assets they accumulate and debts they incur during the trial period are usually considered marital property. This type of separation is usually not legally recognized.

Permanent separation - When a couple decides to permanently split up, it’s often called a permanent separation. It may follow a trial separation, or may begin immediately when the couple starts living apart. In most states, all assets received and most debts incurred after permanent separation are the separate properties or responsibility of the spouse incurring them. However, debts that happen after separation and before divorce are usually joint debts if they are incurred for certain necessities, such as to provide for the children or to maintain the marital home.

Legal separation - A legal separation results when the parties separate and a court rules on the division of property, alimony, child support, custody, and visitation — but does not grant a divorce. This isn’t very common, but there are situations where spouses don’t want to divorce for religious, financial, or personal reasons, but do want the certainty of a court order that says they’re separated and addresses all the same issues that would be decided in a divorce. The money awarded for support of the spouse and children under these circumstances is often called

“Separate maintenance” (as opposed to “alimony” or “child support”).
It’s very important to know the current status of a separated man before getting into a relationship with him; this will help you make proper decision.

In general, separation in the case where the still married couple is living apart (and not yet legally separated), is a very volatile time.

While he might want and fully intend to get divorced, his separated status might limit his availability to have normal relationship interactions with you… This could be in the form of situations that include having you meet his friends and family or having you spend time with him on a regular, predictable basis.

Important questions to consider when dating a separated man

How long has he been separated?
Why did they decide to separate?
Do he and his wife still live together?
Are he and his wife working towards reconciliation?
How do they split parenting duties if they have children?
Do you they have plans to divorce?
Have they each agreed to see other people?

When you find out the answers to these questions, be honest with yourself about the kind of relationship that you really want to have, and whether his current situation is aligned with that vision.

A man who is separated or in the middle of a divorce might not be looking to go into another relationship right away, He might just want to date for fun or he might be unsure of what he wants.
Treading carefully until you fully understand the situation is always the best way to protect your own heart.

Important questions to consider when dating a divorcing man:

Why did he and his wife decide to proceed with a divorce?
Who initiated the divorce proceedings?
How does he feel about the divorce proceedings and how are they handling it (mediation, family court, etc)?
How does his wife feel about what’s going on?
How would he characterize the divorce proceedings (bitter, not bitter, very difficult, relatively painless, etc)?
Is there a possibility that he and his wife might try to reconcile their marriage at some point?
If they have kids, how do they divide parenting duties?

You may also want to pay attention to how his friends and family react to you, if he introduces you to them. Try to remember that the actual act of going through a divorce can be quite trying; no matter how prepared a man may be for this part of his life to be over.

If kids are involved, the dissolution can cause a lot of emotions from both parties. Again, think about what you really want in a fulfilling relationship, and whether dating him while he’s going through a divorce will offer you that desired experience.

The Divorced Man

When a divorce is final, a judge has ordered the dissolution of the marriage.

Child custody and division of property, as well as child support, alimony and more are all part of that settlement. They say that divorce is like the end of a civilization, now that the divorce is said and done, how does his past affect your current relationship with him?

Important questions to consider when dating a divorced man:

How long has it been since their divorce?
What were the reasons for his divorce?
How often do he and his Ex communicate with each other now?
How do he and his Ex split parenting duties? (Assuming kids are involved)
How does he view marriage now?
Does he see himself getting married again in the future?
Are there things he would do differently in his relationship if he got married again?

The best way to finding answers to these questions is to simply ask him. Your first date with him is definitely not the best time to ask him these questions.

But who knows—you might have built up a kind of rapport with each other, perhaps through frequent communication. The thing is, the sooner you know the answers to these questions, the sooner you’ll be able to discern whether he’s a good match for you, and whether you want to continue seeing each other.

And it’s not a bad thing to show him that you’re curious about him and his past. He might even appreciate that you’re interested.

It’s normal to want to know where our potential partner is coming from, and what he’s going through right now. How else are we supposed to get to know someone, other than to experience them.

Thanks for reading.