Remember when you & your partner first started dating?
1. Be attentive to each other
It’s easy to get into the habit of ignoring your partner and taking them for granted. But one of the best things you can do to help reignite the spark in a relationship is to start being attentive to each other.
It simply means talking (and really listening) to each other.
Try to avoid the obvious topics of kids and work. Instead talk about things you each love – the kind of conversations you may have had when you first started dating. You could chat about movies you’ve seen, mutual friends, hobbies and anything to reconnect with each other.
When people are married or in a long term relationship, they tend to forget about each other’s day to day desires and interests, focusing on the ‘important’ stuff like money and work. This often leads to a disconnect between each other, and the spark can die away.
2. Flirt with each other
I'm sure you think you don't need to flirt with someone you’re married to or in a long term relationship with someone, a Wrong! Flirting is as much an important part of a relationship years in as it was when you first met. Maybe even more.
A little mutual flirtation can go a long way toward improving your marriage – replacing grumpy resentment and the day-to-day grind of family life with playfulness and lightness.
There are a lot of different ways to flirt with your partner, so take your pick! You can leave notes for each other to find, make an effort to look attractive for each other, share secret in-jokes, or just plainly let your partner know how attractive you still find them.
It’s a pretty heady feeling and can turn around a pattern of negative communication and replace it with a much healthier style of interaction – and can certainly put the spark back into your relationship in all the right places!
3) Have more sex
Often, as the spark dies in a relationship, so does your sex life. After all, you need to at least like someone to want to have sex with them, and if you spend most of your day resenting your partner, you’re not going to be itching to jump into bed with them!
But sex is a vital means of connection between couples. In fact, especially if you have children, it’s one of the few things that’s just ‘yours’. And when the sex dies away, so can much of the intimacy in your relationship.
So it’s important that you have more sex, if your relationship is struggling. And make an effort to start making that time for each other.
It may feel stilted and lack a certain amount of passion in the beginning, but once you start doing it more, you start seeing a wealth of benefits, and you naturally start to want it more.
According to Dr Geoff Hackett, a leading expert in sexual medicine and former chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine "All the evidence points to the fact that an active sex life keeps couples together. It promotes intimacy, reassurance, the realisation that both parties are wanted and needed. It is hard to find researched evidence, but most surveys point to the fact that a lack of sex in a relationship is a leading factor in break-ups."
Dr Geoff Hackett goes on to say:
“Once [couples] rediscover their sex life it is extraordinary how quickly many other issues are resolved. Sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just need to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which bond them together.”
4) Plan dates
When you first met your partner, the chances are you used to go out on dates – doing lovely things just with each other and enjoying being together. But with all of your responsibilities as a couple – especially if you have children – it can be a little hard to get out on the town for a night of fun.
But as difficult as it may be to find time together, it’s important for the health of your relationship. So if you can, try to plan a date with each other once a week or fortnight, even if you need to be creative about what a ‘date’ means!
If you can’t go out, plan a candlelit dinner. Can’t manage even that? Try some wine and cheese and a good movie once the kids are asleep.
If you have children you should also make sure you capitalise on those free days or nights you didn’t know you had. Sleepovers, surprise birthday parties and even play dates at somebody else’s house are all prime opportunities for a date with each other.
5) Surprise each other
Everybody likes a nice surprise. But when you’re in a long term relationship, it can be easy to forget about doing the small surprising things you once did for each other.
You know, like remembering their favourite author and buying them a book. Or buying an impromptu bunch of flowers or piece of jewellery, just because. Little, thoughtful gestures that show you care, that you pay attention to each other, and think of each other when you’re apart.
You don’t even need to buy things for each other. You can cook their favourite meal, wear the outfit they love you in, or record a movie you think they’ll like. Just something that tells them they’re special to you and on your mind.
Don’t wait for your partner to go first
Of course, if your relationship isn’t in a great place, you may not feel like doing nice things for your partner. Especially if you have got into a pattern of resentment and point scoring.
But taking the initiative and breaking the cycle of negativity can have a very powerful effect. It’s very difficult to stay angry with someone who is being kind, thoughtful and generous to you. And you may soon find that your gestures are reciprocated by your partner, creating a new positive cycle of relating to each other.
Remember, you once fell in love with each other, so there must have been some compatible common ground and mutual respect.
Thanks for reading
Culled from talentedladiesclub.com
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