Lovedrdammy

#Check-in with each other. 
A common gripe is, “You never ask how I’m doing!” Again a symptom of disconnections and parallel lives. Don't just complain, but step up and change the pattern: Proactively talk about you and what you are doing, rather than waiting for your partner to ask and getting resentful.

A more important, but often forgotten focus is checking in on the baby – How are we doing? It’s easy to bypass this conversations because they are out of your routine or because you are afraid of the answer. But these are the important conversations to have, to talk about the elephant in the room. Do it even though, because it is hard. If you need to, plan check-in times once a day.

#Don’t defend.
When your partner raises a complaint, try and avoid that easy response of defending – No, I didn’t – and then stacking up evidence to make your case. Basically what you are doing at this point is trying to convince the other that you’re right, he's wrong. You then start to argue over whose reality is right, who is more the victim.

Don’t do this. Yes, easier said than done, but the attitude you need to try on here is: "Even though I feel that I’m doing my best, I see that you are still not happy. Because I care about you, I want to understand what you need and will try and make it better." This is not giving in, kowtowing to the other person, but being a sensitive, reasonable adult.

#Don’t counter attack. 
Counter attacking is usually the next step in the escalating argument: “You’re complaining about this, but I don’t say anything about that…” This again is about power struggling, not good. Yes, your complaints may be valid, but save them for the moment. Again this doesn't mean you forever have to bite your tongue, but rather that you are dealing with one problem at a time. For now focus on your partner’s concerns, and at a later time when you are both calm, bring up your own.

#Schedule couple time. 
Okay, enough on the negative. Think positive. Because it is so easy to go on auto-pilot and drift apart, you need to go against inertia and plan date, touch-downs,You both need to create positive shared experiences in order to counter the mundane, build goodmemories, and have something to look forward to.

#Treat each other with courtesy,
sensitivity, and respect. This is the foundation of everything above. You automatically do this on your job (I hope), but it's easy not do this in a relationship because you are more comfortable with each other and you know how to push each other’s buttons – all understandable. But when the relationship (the baby) is suffering in even small ways, this needs to be your default mode, what you go back to to change the emotional climate in the relationship. Again, again, it's not about giving in, but treating each in the way that you need to be treated.

#Say Yes And rather than Yes But. 
Improv is all about working together as a team, and the number one rule of improv is Yes And. Rather than getting defensive or controlling and negating what the other person is saying, you build on it, add to it, create trust rather than controlling and jockeying for power. If you partner suggests something, assume it is good, not malevolent, assume good intentions and rather than canceling the other’s idea -- Yes but -- go along with it AND then feel free to speak up and add to it: "Let’s go out for local food. Yes and this weekend let’s have a foreign and invite your friends." Try for a week, do when you feel disconnected.

#Create intimate conversations. 
Yes, intimacy in general is important -- sex, affection -- but the base level is about communication. It’s all to easy to fall into conversational patterns – you talk about work, I talk about kids, we’re done. Intimacy doesn’t mean talking about deep dark secrets but stepping outside your comfort zones. You’ll know when you're doing exactly that because you’ll have the twinge of anxiety. Take the risk and say it. Deepen the conversation. Have no expectations. Again, it’s about breaking patterns, expanding the ordinary.

#Solve problems.
 As I've mentioned in other posts, it’s good to have business meetings. Planned time to solve problems when you both are not tired, angry. Have an agenda, be adult, pretend you’re at work. The goal is help your partner understand one thing, solve one problem. Don’t go off into the woods of the past, skip the drama and courtroom. Stay sane. Make your point. Solve your problem.

#Talk about talking.
 If you struggle with any of the above, talk about the struggle  – I have a difficult talking about______because I’m afraid you are going to get angry; I feel you don't make our relationship a priority and when I try and talk about it, I feel you don't listen; it would help me if you did _____. The conversation formula is "When you do _____ I feel ___and it would help me if you did _____. Also try and sort out the problem under the problem – problems are bad solutions. If you feel angry about ____ what are you worried about or hurt by or afraid of? Talk about that instead of the anger. What is the one thing you want your partner to understand and need about you?

GIVE IT TIME

When someone comes and tells you, "I can't sleep without you, I love you the way you are and I can put up with your good and bad attitude", before you commit your heart please, GIVE IT TIME.

When You just met someone today and feel like marrying him/her tomorrow, before you do remember you need to GIVE IT TIME.

When you visit your uncle and you will stay there for 2 months holiday, don't be carried away that they serve you your preferred food and give you hot water to bath during your first two days and you start making arrangement to relocate to their house, GIVE IT TIME.

When a brother visits you and wakes you up by his shouting of prayer from 12 am to 6 am, please don't shut him down, first GIVE IT TIME.

When someone joins your fellowship in the first year and he is in every group/wing, please don't rush and make him a leader rather GIVE IT TIME.

When you enter a new environment and everybody worships you and eat your mess don't be carried away just GIVE IT TIME.

When someone comes with a new business with unbelievable promises, please before you involve your money, first GIVE IT TIME.

When you see a new church in town and you hear their waves, before you conclude about how hot they are, first GIVE IT TIME.

Finally, when you are in a cross road of decisions, you don't know what to do, ask the people or person involved to please GIVE YOU TIME.

The wise priest in the Bible in Acts told them to leave Peter and John, rather, give them time.

You can be good in giving people tests and trying out who they are.

Some people know how to pass them all but the test of time they fail.

Time tests Love and proves it.

Time tests businesses and authenticates it.

Time tests spirituality and reveals it.

Time tests friendship and uncover true friend

Time, a good tester.

Don't say that the utilities in your area is now the best until you have GIVEN IT TIME.

Your  uncle or Father told You that you are useless and worthless and can't amount to anything, just laugh it away and ask them to GIVE YOU TIME.

Quote me...

Consistency with time is the true test of Efficiency.

Time is a TESTER.

Time is an AUTHENTICATOR.

Time is a REVEALER.

TIME IS STILL A MATTER.

Thanks for giving this long post TIME...

A painful moment brings quietness & quietness gives inspiration for good thinking, when all is well you don't think of "what next"... Just "Give It Time"

The graph explain better what relationship stupidities means.